Got to get back on track

I must say I have gained a bunch if weight since over the past couple months, 14 pounds to be exact. After I had the baby I lost all the baby weight but it is all back again.

It is really depressing me. I had been doing great weight wise before I got pregnant; eating pretty clean, portion control and walking at least 3-5 miles. Then I got pregnant and what a tough pregnancy, I was so sick in the beginning then the preeclampsia kicked in. It was a tough last pregnancy I tell you. 

Now that my rainbow baby is here I am just so tired. I know she is 9 months old and all but she is still waking up several times through the night to eat. And I have my 3 yr old as well. She is full of energy, wish she could bottle some of it up and give it to me !

After having the baby I got postpartum depression and anxiety. I am not sure if the medication I am taking is also playing a part in my weight gain. But I am sure it has more to do with the fact that I am no longer walking, using portion control, eating clean etc.

I seriously need to start eating the right way again. Maybe it will stop the headaches as well and make me feel better about myself again. I want more energy and I am sure exercise will help with that but building up the gumption to do it while dragging from lack of sleep is tough. The warmer weather is coming so it will get easier I am sure to get out there and walk on the trail behind my house.  I want to be able to look in the mirror and not be disgusted with what I see. I want to be able to fit into my clothing properly and I want new cute clothing. These are my goals and I thought I would share with you ! 

Yawn

My baby is now 9 months old, I really cannot believe it ! I am trying to savor every moment with her since she is my last. 

I am sure you noticed that I seriously lack on my posts since having the baby. Want to know why ? It's because she is still sleeping like a newborn !! No joke, she is waking up 2-3 times a night to eat. She has slept through the night a couple times maybe 4 times. 

I cannot figure out why. I have started feeding her people food, age appropriate people food that is. She gets cereal in her bottle already due to acid reflux ( the Dr in NICU told me to do that ). Is it out if habit ? Does she have a high metabolism ? If I ignore her she gets louder and wakes up my other child. I feel like a zombie, lol. 

If anyone has any advice or recommendations please feel free to comment !  And I do apologize for the lack of posts I will try harder, who needs sleep anyway.....

Seventh Generation Clean

I got some samples in the mail from Seventh Generation for their free and clear laundry detergent. I really put it to the test today ! I am going to warn you in advance that this maybe a little off putting. 

Lately my 8 month old baby has been having these huge poop blow outs up the back of her diaper and all over her onsies. It's making not only a huge smelly mess but lots of laundry. The baby also has sensitive skin, it's so sensitive that she had a reaction to baby oil. So I have to be careful on what I use on her. 

The detergent is 4x ultra concentrated a little goes a long way and can be used in HE washers. I did not pretreat beforehand I just rinsed off the poop, I really wanted to put this to the test. I washed as normal on the warm cycle and I must say I am thrilled with the results. It completely removed the poop stain ! 

I put the onsie on the baby today and the detergent did not bother her at all. I can freely use this with no worry because it free of harmful chemicals. And Seventh Generation stands for our environment and our future generations :-) 

Raw Feelings

I have been writing this post for awhile in my head but something stopped me; was it the criticism I would receive from people, the pitiful looks or eye rolls?  Was it me being scared to share my feelings and saying them out loud or perhaps the back lash of just one person who it's about seeing it ? I don't know which reason it was but it's time for this to be written and shared. 

You see I have a really hard time expressing my feelings. If speaking I get chocked up and cry even if I am angry. I am also good at covering up my true feelings with jokes and sarcasm.

With all this being said I must say I am having a really hard time coming to terms that I am getting divorced. When I got married I assumed it would be till death do us part, neither one of us is dead ! We have gone through so much in our 8 years together, 7 in which we had been married. I have stuck by him when he quit drinking, by his side several times at the hospital. I tried and I tried hard. 

I would like to think I was a good wife. I cooked, cleaned, did laundry and worked. There were times I even I would go into work with him to help cover a shift or just help at that second job because I knew the first job was physical and tiring labor. 

I put up with a lot as well during those years. Emails and texts to other women. Lying and cheating even while I was pregnant but yet I forgave him time and time again. Yes I know I am a fool and he took advantage but I am not looking to be judged right now. He moved out a few times on me leaving me to cover the rent and bills alone, I did it and I allowed him back. I forgave him. He was my husband and I loved him.

Now here we are with a court date in a few months and I am just torn up. I never in a million years thought we would really get divorced, I always thought he would come back. He would grow up and be the family man he claims to others that he is or wants. 

Part of me still does love him, again I am not looking for judgement. He is not a bad guy, he just didn't know how to be a good husband. So where do I go from here ? How do I move on past the pain and hurt ? When I say I hurt it's literally phyisical; it feels like there is a weight on my chest at times, it's hard to breath, my stomach hurts, I want to sleep all the time but my mind doesn't stop and allow me to actually rest. I don't want to just focus on all the bad things because then I will become resentful and I don't want to be that scorned woman. 

Guess I will take it one day at a time, one minute at a time, one breath at a time. 

Sweet Dreams

I know I haven't been here lately, and once again I apologize ! But I have not been sleeping. And ironically enough the name of this post is Sweet Dreams, lol. The baby is still waking up at night to eat and my goodness it is catching up with me. At this point my eyes are suck in and my bags have bags.

I am getting off track here. Recently I was selected by Influenster to test out the Vicks Sweet Dreams Cool Mist Humidifier. Good golly I love this thing !! I have been using it for a week straight now and it replaced my old humidifier. My house is drafty so I have to keep the heat up around 70 which makes the air so dry, which means I need a cool mist humidifier every night. My old one made a lot of noise, well not a lot it just sounded like a fan, a little white noise if you will. Also the old one required a filter that required to be changed a lot which got expensive. With the Vicks humidifier there is no filter required, it's quiet ( although I like white noise but I run a fan as well, again off track ) it turns off by itself when the water tank is empty, and the feature I personally love the absolute most besides being filter free is you can use Vicks vapor pads in this bad boy. When you get sick and all yucky and stuffy there is a slot to slide a pad in and you get that comforting and familiar Vicks smell that opens up the good ol nasal passage. 

My daughters' favorite feature on this humidifier is the pictures it projects on the ceiling. There are three scenes to choose from; jungle, ocean or stars and lets say you chose stars every 30-60 seconds ( I never stopped to count how long ) the colors or scene changes in the theme ) it makes a nice night light. I only wish it had a timer on it. 

All in all I am in love. There is nothing to dislike. I fill up the water tank about every 2-3 days and there have been no leaks whatsoever. I was given this humidifier for free in exchange for my honest opinion. 

Revenge is sweet, or is it ?

I have been going through a lot of things recently one of them being is a divorce. I started going through all the emotions you hear about sadness, anger, guilt the whole nine yards. Then I thought I wanted revenge, I thought that I wanted him to feel the pain and heartache I had gone through. That must have been the anger part taking over my brain. I am glad that I stopped what I had started before anyone innocent got hurt, I am going to let karma handle it all. I am sure karma will do a much better job anyway ! 

Recently my aunt said some very wise words to me that stuck, I cannot remember them exactly ( yup that stuck that much ! ) but they were something like don't look behind you that is the past, do not look in front of you because it's the future but live in the present. You get the picture. I am done being sad about my relationship not working out and I am not going to dwell on the past and what went wrong. I will not be worrying about what is going to be happening tomorrow, next week or next year. I am going to live for today and in the moment. 

I am also starting to learn to let things go and not let little things bother me. If someone wants to live a certain way then so be it as long as it does not affect me or my kiddos who cares ! IF people do things to get attention, who cares...someone annoys me....who cares. I am letting a lot roll off my back now. I cannot keep stressing the way I have been, it's getting to be a bit much. These shoulders of mine are getting too heavy.

Ready for another Voxbox ?

I was lucky enough to get chosen for another Voxbox by Influenster, this one was the Wellness Voxbox.  There were lots of goodies and they were full sized, well most of them were. The best part it was all free all Influenster wants is my honest to goodness opinion.

I received the following:
Olay Active Botanicals Refreshing Gel Cleanser retails for $5.99
I really liked that cleanser, it removed my makeup nicely made my skin feel fantastic. I had my daughter 4 months ago and since then my skin has been oily, after using the cleanser it seemed to help calm that issue down a bit. A little bit of the cleanser goes a long way. Just be careful when using this, it hurts if you get it in your eye !

I also got Jergens Wet Skin Moisturizer retails for $7.99
I really wish I could say I loved this or even liked this product but I didn't. To me it was messy. You use it after you get out of the shower before you dry off. Maybe I was using too much who knows. I also feel that it is a bit greasy and sits on your skin. Just not a fan sadly.

Next up is Attitude Hair Care retails for $9.99
I received the Color Protective shampoo and a small sample of their dish soap. I will start with the shampoo: It is made without any cancer causing chemicals which is wonderful so the price tag is low in my opinion. I am not thrilled about the scent but it does it's job. My hair feels clean, it has nice bounce to it and it's not dull looking. Will I buy this after I am done the bottle, yes I will.
I mentioned I received a sample of Attitude dish soap...OH my ...I love this stuff !! It cleaned grease off a pan with ease, the scent was pleasant and it bubbled up nicely. It did not make my hands dry either. I will be hunting this dish soap down for sure.

Now up is Colgate Enamel Health Mouthwash retails for $2.99
I am already a fan of Colgate, I think their products are well priced and work well. I like this mouthwash because of the taste, it is not too harsh tasting like certain other brands ( you know which I am talking about, right ?? ) I was also informed that my enamel is wearing down so I need all the help I can get.

Last but not least I got a packet of Urgent Ache and Pain Relief to go retails for $1.39
This is a great product for on the go, perfect to keep in your purse, wallet, diaper bag..you get the picture. You do not need water in order to take this since it's not a pill it's a powder which dissolves quickly. It is aspirin with a shot of caffeine, that is perfect for headaches. It worked quickly for me.

I was really happy with this box, and enjoyed reviewing it. I hope to get to review more boxes soon !