Raw Feelings

I have been writing this post for awhile in my head but something stopped me; was it the criticism I would receive from people, the pitiful looks or eye rolls?  Was it me being scared to share my feelings and saying them out loud or perhaps the back lash of just one person who it's about seeing it ? I don't know which reason it was but it's time for this to be written and shared. 

You see I have a really hard time expressing my feelings. If speaking I get chocked up and cry even if I am angry. I am also good at covering up my true feelings with jokes and sarcasm.

With all this being said I must say I am having a really hard time coming to terms that I am getting divorced. When I got married I assumed it would be till death do us part, neither one of us is dead ! We have gone through so much in our 8 years together, 7 in which we had been married. I have stuck by him when he quit drinking, by his side several times at the hospital. I tried and I tried hard. 

I would like to think I was a good wife. I cooked, cleaned, did laundry and worked. There were times I even I would go into work with him to help cover a shift or just help at that second job because I knew the first job was physical and tiring labor. 

I put up with a lot as well during those years. Emails and texts to other women. Lying and cheating even while I was pregnant but yet I forgave him time and time again. Yes I know I am a fool and he took advantage but I am not looking to be judged right now. He moved out a few times on me leaving me to cover the rent and bills alone, I did it and I allowed him back. I forgave him. He was my husband and I loved him.

Now here we are with a court date in a few months and I am just torn up. I never in a million years thought we would really get divorced, I always thought he would come back. He would grow up and be the family man he claims to others that he is or wants. 

Part of me still does love him, again I am not looking for judgement. He is not a bad guy, he just didn't know how to be a good husband. So where do I go from here ? How do I move on past the pain and hurt ? When I say I hurt it's literally phyisical; it feels like there is a weight on my chest at times, it's hard to breath, my stomach hurts, I want to sleep all the time but my mind doesn't stop and allow me to actually rest. I don't want to just focus on all the bad things because then I will become resentful and I don't want to be that scorned woman. 

Guess I will take it one day at a time, one minute at a time, one breath at a time. 

Ready for another Voxbox ?

I was lucky enough to get chosen for another Voxbox by Influenster, this one was the Wellness Voxbox.  There were lots of goodies and they were full sized, well most of them were. The best part it was all free all Influenster wants is my honest to goodness opinion.

I received the following:
Olay Active Botanicals Refreshing Gel Cleanser retails for $5.99
I really liked that cleanser, it removed my makeup nicely made my skin feel fantastic. I had my daughter 4 months ago and since then my skin has been oily, after using the cleanser it seemed to help calm that issue down a bit. A little bit of the cleanser goes a long way. Just be careful when using this, it hurts if you get it in your eye !

I also got Jergens Wet Skin Moisturizer retails for $7.99
I really wish I could say I loved this or even liked this product but I didn't. To me it was messy. You use it after you get out of the shower before you dry off. Maybe I was using too much who knows. I also feel that it is a bit greasy and sits on your skin. Just not a fan sadly.

Next up is Attitude Hair Care retails for $9.99
I received the Color Protective shampoo and a small sample of their dish soap. I will start with the shampoo: It is made without any cancer causing chemicals which is wonderful so the price tag is low in my opinion. I am not thrilled about the scent but it does it's job. My hair feels clean, it has nice bounce to it and it's not dull looking. Will I buy this after I am done the bottle, yes I will.
I mentioned I received a sample of Attitude dish soap...OH my ...I love this stuff !! It cleaned grease off a pan with ease, the scent was pleasant and it bubbled up nicely. It did not make my hands dry either. I will be hunting this dish soap down for sure.

Now up is Colgate Enamel Health Mouthwash retails for $2.99
I am already a fan of Colgate, I think their products are well priced and work well. I like this mouthwash because of the taste, it is not too harsh tasting like certain other brands ( you know which I am talking about, right ?? ) I was also informed that my enamel is wearing down so I need all the help I can get.

Last but not least I got a packet of Urgent Ache and Pain Relief to go retails for $1.39
This is a great product for on the go, perfect to keep in your purse, wallet, diaper bag..you get the picture. You do not need water in order to take this since it's not a pill it's a powder which dissolves quickly. It is aspirin with a shot of caffeine, that is perfect for headaches. It worked quickly for me.

I was really happy with this box, and enjoyed reviewing it. I hope to get to review more boxes soon !