Dating after divorce and as a single parent

Dating after divorce has not been a pleasant experience; I used Bumble, joined a single parents group on Facebook and cringing as I type this joined Tinder. 

I came across a lot of, let's say colorful men. Many with wives or girlfriends...seriously what are they doing on there ?! I should clarify these attached guys were on the apps not in the Facebook group, the group screened it's members well and was a great support system. 

I went out on dates with men who had zero respect for my time which was limited due to me being a single mother. Men who only wanted sex...insert eye roll. Came across excons, alcoholics, drug addicts just flat out red flags. 

Dating as a single parent and after divorce flat out sucks ! Just as I was about to give up I did meet someone. A normal respectful, sweet and caring man. So it's not impossible to find someone after divorce like I thought. I am very happy with the relationship I am now in, don’t give up !

An Open Letter

I have decided that this will be a two part series that way I don’t ramble on about one subject and it stumbles into the next then back to the other.

This particular one is an open letter to my Ex-Husband:

Dear Ex,

You suck at being a father, I am trying way too hard for you to be present in your kids’ life and I am done. You signed over your rights because you did not want an investigation done and I signed along with it even though it was another “ fuck you” to me and my girls. But at least I knew at the end of the day my girls would be safe. 

You pay below state guidelines for child support because you lied about your income. You chose to take on children that are not yours to support and that is just crap. One day actually no, that day has come already; my 6 year old questions why you were there to celebrate those other kids birthdays and not hers. She is not stupid. She already knows and sees that I am their mother and father. 

You expect me still to do as you say and get pissy when I do not. I have been more than compliant and way too nice when it came to our divorce. And in hindsight I should have went for the jugular.

Just know I am done trying so damn hard for you to be my Children’s lives. And when you do show up you bring your baby. That hurt my 6 year old, she didn’t show it with you but when she came she asked me to email you and let you know that you “screwed up “. I am done protecting you. 

Sincerely your ex-wife.....

I am no longer angry

I can finally say I have let go of the hate and bitterness in my heart for my ex-husband. Up until recently I honestly was still so bitter, I was angry that he moved on, angry that he was having a baby so soon. I mean we just went to court for our divorce on July 12th. I was pissed that they bought a house and he drives a nice car. Angry that he was dishonest in court about how much money he brought home from his job as I struggle each month.

I let all that go, why be so angry ? It's not healthy. Yes he bought a house but I love my little town and my girls and I are safe where we are. Do I love the building itself, no but I make the best of it. I may not love the people above me but they go away on the weekends and that's a nice break. The other neighbors make up for them too 😊 after all I heard a knock on my door the other night and it was my neighbor from two doors down with cupcakes !

Yes he drives a great car, however he has a car payment. I do not...we all know I couldn't afford it anyway lol. My little car is fantastic on gas and gets me from point A to point B. I no longer rely on anyone to take me places which is another added bonus as well. She ( the car ) maybe old but has always been in the family; my grandmother bought her, got passed onto my mom and now myself.

The baby thing was a tough one to swallow. Am I going to embrace this with arms wide open ? Hell no !! But I am not angry anymore. I am not going to say things happen they obviously were not careful regardless of me warning him because I knew he already had two kids. It also got me in the gut because I felt robbed, I can no longer have children; I had my tubes removed and had an ablation. I no longer have a chance have knowing what it's like having a loving supportive husband during a pregnancy. I never got that. I will never know the feeling of raising a child with my partner in our home with the white picket fence. I do however have my girls whom I love with all my being. I do everything for them and they know it, they feel it, see it it. I have been therr for them since day one. And they love me right back.

One area where I had trouble letting go of the anger was the lying in court; only because I struggle each and every month. I do not get welfare nor do I feel the need to apply for it. I am at a time in my life where it's tough for me to work outside the home since my oldest only goes to school for 2.5 hours a day for four days a week while my youngest has early intervention group twice a week for 1.5 hours, occupational therapy, and speech therapy. Not to mention the specialist appts that occur at Children's Hospital and Umass in addition to regular doctor appointments ! Our schedule is busy. As you can see there honestly isn't time for me to work outside the home. I do try to make some money by selling items I no longer use on auction sites, as well as take surveys online, I use Ibotta... it's not much but for me every penny counts. Speaking of pennies, my ex nickel and dimes me right now when he had promised me that he would always help me out when he told me about the pregnancy. But that's not the case, so yes I was angry. I don't have it in me anymore. I feel badly that he went back on his word but I am thankful that I have family that will let me borrow money when I need gas or diapers. I am grateful that my mom bought school clothes and shoes for my oldest when she started school ( she did that for both her grandkids, she likes spoiling them ! ) Do I wish I had money saved ? Of course and I will get there someday just not today. Today I let go of the anger.

Do I think my ex ever loved me ? Honestly, no. You just don't treat someone you love the way he did me however he was young. I honestly thought he did love me but in hindsight I see now he didn't. I did love him and  a small piece always will. I am glad he grew up, met a nice woman who is great to my girls. And now I can honestly say I am no longer angry 💜

Revenge is sweet, or is it ?

I have been going through a lot of things recently one of them being is a divorce. I started going through all the emotions you hear about sadness, anger, guilt the whole nine yards. Then I thought I wanted revenge, I thought that I wanted him to feel the pain and heartache I had gone through. That must have been the anger part taking over my brain. I am glad that I stopped what I had started before anyone innocent got hurt, I am going to let karma handle it all. I am sure karma will do a much better job anyway ! 

Recently my aunt said some very wise words to me that stuck, I cannot remember them exactly ( yup that stuck that much ! ) but they were something like don't look behind you that is the past, do not look in front of you because it's the future but live in the present. You get the picture. I am done being sad about my relationship not working out and I am not going to dwell on the past and what went wrong. I will not be worrying about what is going to be happening tomorrow, next week or next year. I am going to live for today and in the moment. 

I am also starting to learn to let things go and not let little things bother me. If someone wants to live a certain way then so be it as long as it does not affect me or my kiddos who cares ! IF people do things to get attention, who cares...someone annoys me....who cares. I am letting a lot roll off my back now. I cannot keep stressing the way I have been, it's getting to be a bit much. These shoulders of mine are getting too heavy.

The joys of being single

When I first split up with my husband I was devastated now that I am coming to term with things I am actually learning that I like being single !

Let's think about together shall we; I do not have to share the bed, if I want to sleep on the left, I do it. I want to sleep on the right guess where I sleep...that's right the right side but most nights I am right smack in the middle of the bed with all the pillows and blankets and no tug of war session going on here.

There are some days where I do not feel like cooking dinner and I will just eat cereal or a salad, well guess what I do not need to worry about cooking for a significant other. I do cook for my child of course but she is easy :-) 

I love my apartment it reflects me and only me, I did not have to worry or even compromise on decor, it was great !  I know I am sounding quite selfish and full of myself but I am the complete opposite, while married it was all about him and making sure he was comfortable, fed and cared for. Now it's all about me and the off spring. I only have myself to clean up after, and the kiddo but I wait till she is sleeping otherwise it's like shoveling during a blizzard, lol ( I love that analogy )

There are days where I am sad and miss someone there to cuddle with me and watch a movie or help carry the groceries in or just be there to listen and talk too but then I look around and see where I am now and think about how much I actually like living alone. And really towards the end of the relationship none of that stuff I miss was actually happening I was alone A LOT. 

This has been sitting on my brain, why not unload it here it's the reason why I started this blog not just for product review it's to talk about my everyday living and thoughts and for me to well ramble. 

Happy Friday.