I have such a heavy heart tonight, I just found out that a good friend of mine lost her sister in law yesterday to cancer. Those two were so close more like sisters than in laws.
It's just not fair dammit !! She was a good person who fought so hard. She left behind two small kids and a loving husband. Not too mention the rest of her family. It's devastating. I did not even know her that well myself and I am still feeling the effects of this loss in my heart. I know she will always be looking down on her kids and family, their guardian angel. And with time the hurt will hurt less for her family. No they will not forget but they will hurt less.
All I can say is that life is so unbelievably short, we need to spend time with one another. Love one another, live in the moment. You never know what the future holds for you or how long you have here.
One last thing; fuck you cancer !
Thursday, April 27, 2017
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
What to name this ?
I have been writing this post in my head many times but have not had the nerve to write it. I am not sure why I guess it makes things real. It is real trust me, it is my life that I live each and every day and it is tough.
My 4 year old was recently put on the spectrum and has been diagnosed with ADHD. She has trouble reeling in her emotions and acts impulsively. Doesn't sound like a big deal right ? But have you tried going grocery shopping with someone who has a meltdown in the middle of an aisle and people just stare at you because they assume you suck at being a parent or even worse when they actually tell you that your child needs discipline ( yeah that has happened ) ! I get anxiety and dread just the idea of doing anything outside the house but things need to be done.
I am doing what I can to help her, she sees a counselor to help sort out her emotions. There is also the Cando Clinic where I will be making an appointment, I am not sure what will happen there. I was told we will gain more tools to help handle emotions and avoid meltdowns. In case you were wondering no she is not on meds. She is such a smart girl with a great vocabulary. I am trying to cut the sugar down in her diet and screen time has been cut down dramatically. Whatever else I have to do I will trust me ! We went to the beach the other day, G and I walked to the water together hand in hand for that moment I had my little girl back. There was no screaming, no tears, no meltdowns and no anxiety on my part. I live for those moments.
Then I have my youngest with the "communication disorder". She is slowly coming along with her language. She repeats but she is not grasping what the words mean. She does use about 20-25 words still no sentences but I will take whatever I can. She gets occupational therapy in addition to speech therapy and starting next week she will be going to group twice a week. Just like with her sister I do what I need to do for my girls, I am on top of it.
All of this is all on my shoulders and it is a lot. It does not seem like it to some but it is. I have no friends. I would love to go out and have a good time but the girls are a lot of work so no breaks for me.
I ask the next time you see a parent at the store, parking lot, or even the sidewalk and their child is screaming, kicking, hitting, laying on the floor having a fit do not assume it's bad parenting. That little boy or girl most likely cannot control it. Show some compassion and understanding.
My 4 year old was recently put on the spectrum and has been diagnosed with ADHD. She has trouble reeling in her emotions and acts impulsively. Doesn't sound like a big deal right ? But have you tried going grocery shopping with someone who has a meltdown in the middle of an aisle and people just stare at you because they assume you suck at being a parent or even worse when they actually tell you that your child needs discipline ( yeah that has happened ) ! I get anxiety and dread just the idea of doing anything outside the house but things need to be done.
I am doing what I can to help her, she sees a counselor to help sort out her emotions. There is also the Cando Clinic where I will be making an appointment, I am not sure what will happen there. I was told we will gain more tools to help handle emotions and avoid meltdowns. In case you were wondering no she is not on meds. She is such a smart girl with a great vocabulary. I am trying to cut the sugar down in her diet and screen time has been cut down dramatically. Whatever else I have to do I will trust me ! We went to the beach the other day, G and I walked to the water together hand in hand for that moment I had my little girl back. There was no screaming, no tears, no meltdowns and no anxiety on my part. I live for those moments.
Then I have my youngest with the "communication disorder". She is slowly coming along with her language. She repeats but she is not grasping what the words mean. She does use about 20-25 words still no sentences but I will take whatever I can. She gets occupational therapy in addition to speech therapy and starting next week she will be going to group twice a week. Just like with her sister I do what I need to do for my girls, I am on top of it.
All of this is all on my shoulders and it is a lot. It does not seem like it to some but it is. I have no friends. I would love to go out and have a good time but the girls are a lot of work so no breaks for me.
I ask the next time you see a parent at the store, parking lot, or even the sidewalk and their child is screaming, kicking, hitting, laying on the floor having a fit do not assume it's bad parenting. That little boy or girl most likely cannot control it. Show some compassion and understanding.
Wednesday, October 26, 2016
The Black Hole
I know I have been AWOL for months, and I am dreading this post because that means I admit that I have been in a " black hole ".
It is true though. I have not been myself, I lost myself really. I did have things I wanted to write about and had it all written out in my head but would not get onto the computer to type it out. I used to like cooking and trying new recipes and now I just slap together the quickest thing, I do not feel like cooking. It's the dreaded Black Hole.
My body hurts too, my blood pressure medicine makes my muscles cramp up in my arms and legs so I am constantly hurting, some days are worse than others. It is hard to explain to people, and I think because others do understand they just down play it to me being lazy. I am taking magnesium in hopes of helping it. Headaches are coming back again and I think it is because of stress and the stress feels worse because of the Black Hole.
But I am working on getting out of the Black Hole, I am seeing a therapist and will be reclaiming myself. Yes, you have heard it before but you can look forward to more posts from myself. Please bear with me during this process.
Xoxo.
It is true though. I have not been myself, I lost myself really. I did have things I wanted to write about and had it all written out in my head but would not get onto the computer to type it out. I used to like cooking and trying new recipes and now I just slap together the quickest thing, I do not feel like cooking. It's the dreaded Black Hole.
My body hurts too, my blood pressure medicine makes my muscles cramp up in my arms and legs so I am constantly hurting, some days are worse than others. It is hard to explain to people, and I think because others do understand they just down play it to me being lazy. I am taking magnesium in hopes of helping it. Headaches are coming back again and I think it is because of stress and the stress feels worse because of the Black Hole.
But I am working on getting out of the Black Hole, I am seeing a therapist and will be reclaiming myself. Yes, you have heard it before but you can look forward to more posts from myself. Please bear with me during this process.
Xoxo.
Monday, June 27, 2016
Where has the time gone
It's been about three months since I have written, at the end of the day after the last dish has been washed and the kids are in bed I am completely wiped out. Is that really a valid reason though ? I enjoy writing and reviewing, there has got to be a way to carve some time into the day to do this and not wait till the evening when I know I will be too tired. I promise to work something out with myself.
We have had some major milestones over the past few months; the baby turned 1 !! I have no idea where the year went with her. She has had so many bumps in the road but such a happy little girl. She is still behind but we are working on it with the help of Early Intervention. As tired as I am my little squishy completes my little family.
We have had some major milestones over the past few months; the baby turned 1 !! I have no idea where the year went with her. She has had so many bumps in the road but such a happy little girl. She is still behind but we are working on it with the help of Early Intervention. As tired as I am my little squishy completes my little family.
Another milestone was my middle child turned four ! I do not even want to think about her starting school next year. This one certainly has the " middle child syndrome"..it's real, do not laugh or mock it. She is strong willed and has an opinion on anything and everything. She is also the reason I have gray hair, regardless of it all I do love my monkey girl.
I saved the best milestone for last, my oldest graduated from high school in June. I still cannot fathom the idea that she is no longer in school but out in the working world. I can remember when she first started school she absolutely hated it until she reached high school that is where she shined and thrived. Going to a technical school was the best thing she could have ever done. I am really proud of her. She still has so much more to see, learn and do in this crazy thing called life.
As you can see there has been lots of exciting things on. This post literally took me all day; I started at 6:30am and it is now 3:17pm. I wrote in between dishes, showering, feeding this children and whatever else is thrown at me. I think I can do this more regularly. I have so many things I would like to write about so stay tuned for the next installment !!
Monday, February 29, 2016
Goodies by Mrs. Vondank
Mrs. Vondank can be found on Instagram and big cartel, here is the direct link www.mrsvondank.bigcartel.com
Her products are medicated and made with home made hash. Don't get all kinds of excited you will NOT get high !!
Recently I was sent free of charge a lemon lip balm, an Island Paradise scented bath bomb and coffee butter eye lotion. I wasn't expecting all this, she had offered the eye lotion and I was pleasantly surprised when I opened the package. I am definetly a customer now.
Let's start with the lip balm shall we: I was sent lemon which tastes exactly like lemon heads to me ! Unlike other lip balms there is no need to reapply a million times, it keeps your lips nicely moisturized. These are a must buy.
Next up is the coffee butter eye lotion. It's used for bags and dark under eye circles. I started using this about 5 days ago, it immediately made my eyes silky smooth and day by day my bag upon bags are looking better and better. Did mention my skin feels silky smooth ?!
Last but certainly not least was this powerhouse bathbomb. The scent was fruity goodness, I added a little bit of AvoWash by Lush Cosmetics for bubbles which complimented it nicely. The bomb was a fast fizzer but that was fine by me, the scent stuck around and made my skin feel great, I wish I could think of a better adjective because I truly loved how it made me feel. I cannot wait to get some more bombs, bigger ones !!! I will end this with some pictures of said bath and just know I was not paid for this review it's my honest opinion.
Sunday, February 21, 2016
Got to get back on track
I must say I have gained a bunch if weight since over the past couple months, 14 pounds to be exact. After I had the baby I lost all the baby weight but it is all back again.
It is really depressing me. I had been doing great weight wise before I got pregnant; eating pretty clean, portion control and walking at least 3-5 miles. Then I got pregnant and what a tough pregnancy, I was so sick in the beginning then the preeclampsia kicked in. It was a tough last pregnancy I tell you.
Now that my rainbow baby is here I am just so tired. I know she is 9 months old and all but she is still waking up several times through the night to eat. And I have my 3 yr old as well. She is full of energy, wish she could bottle some of it up and give it to me !
After having the baby I got postpartum depression and anxiety. I am not sure if the medication I am taking is also playing a part in my weight gain. But I am sure it has more to do with the fact that I am no longer walking, using portion control, eating clean etc.
I seriously need to start eating the right way again. Maybe it will stop the headaches as well and make me feel better about myself again. I want more energy and I am sure exercise will help with that but building up the gumption to do it while dragging from lack of sleep is tough. The warmer weather is coming so it will get easier I am sure to get out there and walk on the trail behind my house. I want to be able to look in the mirror and not be disgusted with what I see. I want to be able to fit into my clothing properly and I want new cute clothing. These are my goals and I thought I would share with you !
I seriously need to start eating the right way again. Maybe it will stop the headaches as well and make me feel better about myself again. I want more energy and I am sure exercise will help with that but building up the gumption to do it while dragging from lack of sleep is tough. The warmer weather is coming so it will get easier I am sure to get out there and walk on the trail behind my house. I want to be able to look in the mirror and not be disgusted with what I see. I want to be able to fit into my clothing properly and I want new cute clothing. These are my goals and I thought I would share with you !
Saturday, February 13, 2016
Yawn
My baby is now 9 months old, I really cannot believe it ! I am trying to savor every moment with her since she is my last.
I am sure you noticed that I seriously lack on my posts since having the baby. Want to know why ? It's because she is still sleeping like a newborn !! No joke, she is waking up 2-3 times a night to eat. She has slept through the night a couple times maybe 4 times.
I cannot figure out why. I have started feeding her people food, age appropriate people food that is. She gets cereal in her bottle already due to acid reflux ( the Dr in NICU told me to do that ). Is it out if habit ? Does she have a high metabolism ? If I ignore her she gets louder and wakes up my other child. I feel like a zombie, lol.
If anyone has any advice or recommendations please feel free to comment ! And I do apologize for the lack of posts I will try harder, who needs sleep anyway.....
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