I let all that go, why be so angry ? It's not healthy. Yes he bought a house but I love my little town and my girls and I are safe where we are. Do I love the building itself, no but I make the best of it. I may not love the people above me but they go away on the weekends and that's a nice break. The other neighbors make up for them too 😊 after all I heard a knock on my door the other night and it was my neighbor from two doors down with cupcakes !
Yes he drives a great car, however he has a car payment. I do not...we all know I couldn't afford it anyway lol. My little car is fantastic on gas and gets me from point A to point B. I no longer rely on anyone to take me places which is another added bonus as well. She ( the car ) maybe old but has always been in the family; my grandmother bought her, got passed onto my mom and now myself.
The baby thing was a tough one to swallow. Am I going to embrace this with arms wide open ? Hell no !! But I am not angry anymore. I am not going to say things happen they obviously were not careful regardless of me warning him because I knew he already had two kids. It also got me in the gut because I felt robbed, I can no longer have children; I had my tubes removed and had an ablation. I no longer have a chance have knowing what it's like having a loving supportive husband during a pregnancy. I never got that. I will never know the feeling of raising a child with my partner in our home with the white picket fence. I do however have my girls whom I love with all my being. I do everything for them and they know it, they feel it, see it it. I have been therr for them since day one. And they love me right back.
One area where I had trouble letting go of the anger was the lying in court; only because I struggle each and every month. I do not get welfare nor do I feel the need to apply for it. I am at a time in my life where it's tough for me to work outside the home since my oldest only goes to school for 2.5 hours a day for four days a week while my youngest has early intervention group twice a week for 1.5 hours, occupational therapy, and speech therapy. Not to mention the specialist appts that occur at Children's Hospital and Umass in addition to regular doctor appointments ! Our schedule is busy. As you can see there honestly isn't time for me to work outside the home. I do try to make some money by selling items I no longer use on auction sites, as well as take surveys online, I use Ibotta... it's not much but for me every penny counts. Speaking of pennies, my ex nickel and dimes me right now when he had promised me that he would always help me out when he told me about the pregnancy. But that's not the case, so yes I was angry. I don't have it in me anymore. I feel badly that he went back on his word but I am thankful that I have family that will let me borrow money when I need gas or diapers. I am grateful that my mom bought school clothes and shoes for my oldest when she started school ( she did that for both her grandkids, she likes spoiling them ! ) Do I wish I had money saved ? Of course and I will get there someday just not today. Today I let go of the anger.
Do I think my ex ever loved me ? Honestly, no. You just don't treat someone you love the way he did me however he was young. I honestly thought he did love me but in hindsight I see now he didn't. I did love him and a small piece always will. I am glad he grew up, met a nice woman who is great to my girls. And now I can honestly say I am no longer angry 💜
