The phone call

I know it's been awhile since my last post, almost three months ! But as you know I had my baby, and I knew it was going to be a lot of work having two little ones but had NO idea it would be this hard. I should probably mention I am parenting alone. There is no "me" time which in turn means no time for writing, I even missed two review deadlines. I will still write those reviews because I did use the products and still have opinions on them.

The new baby has hit so many speed bumps so far in the road of life; 21 days in NICU then a rough time with feeds still to this day at times, we had a really big scare one day where she was having trouble breathing, I almost called 911 but she settled down and was alright. It happened again the next morning and I ended up bringing her into the ER. I dislike the ER I prefer her regular doctor but this was a true emergency, turns out she was badly congested and felt like she couldn't breathe which made her panic then of course I panicked... Anyone would have her, eyes were bugging out of her head ! Anywho she has since been diagnosed with thrush, reflux, had a bout of dermatitis (acne)  and most recently had a chemical like burn from baby oil on the back of her head/ neck area. See why this one keeps me busy then throw in a rambunctious three year old. And I stay on top of my housework, laundry and I cook of course.  I know some people will say why not relax with the house, I just can't stand to see a sinkful of dishes or anything like that. You just never know when someone will drop by and I would be utterly embarrassed if my house were a mess. 

Even with all of this craziness, sleepless nights, etc I wouldn't change it. Yesterday I got "the call" telling me when my surgery is to get my tubes tied, ever since I have been so down. This is my last baby and I knew this from the get go, I am done having babies; this last one was dangerous to my health who knows what will happen if I were to get pregnant again down the line. Besides I am getting older and it's expensive. But I am still sad, this is permanent, they are removing my tubes not tying them. 

I am even having a hard time parting with Baby Brooklyn's newborn clothing which she is outgrowing. I am donating those to the NICU unit that she stayed in. They dress the babies in donated clothing if the parents do not bring anything in or all their clothes from home are soiled.

I feel like I get ripped off of her newborn days when she was in NICU, I didn't even get pictures from the hospital when she went home, the photographer didn't come in there. Maybe I am just feeling like this because she is getting bigger right before my eyes and I KNOW she is my last.

I was blessed with three beautiful girls and will always be grateful for that. Just want this blah feeling from "the call" to go  away, surgery is in two weeks.... Wish me luck ! Till then I and after that I will live in the moment and cherish my sweet baby because she is after all my last.