Fantastic guy; made me laugh, was good to my kids, brought me flowers, communicated, and responsible. And the icing on the cake he is a hands on there for his kids dad. Everything a woman could ask for. Sounds perfect right ?
I thought things were going well. Monthly date nights, saw one another almost every night when he was not with his kids, we got into a routine, things just fell into place. Holidays rolled around and it was one of the best Christmases in awhile.
I cannot tell you when things went South because I do not know. I do know that I was a bit difficult to love. My guard was up high, a solid wall built up around my heart and feelings because I had been let done time and time again. I had been used and abused in the past. Been through some unthinkable things, I bared my soul to him, he knew it all. But he still chose to love me till one day last week he just didn't anymore. He no longer wanted to date me. I had to break it to my kids. My 7 year old thought it was her fault, I reassured her it was absolutely not her fault and my youngest was sad, they had a good bond. It was not just me he broke up with he also broke up with my kids.
I cannot make any sense of it. I have not gotten any closer. I blame myself, was I that hard to love ? Did I hold back too much ? Were my kids too much ? These are the things that are running through my head.
Packing up his things was one of the hardest things I had to do. My closet looks empty as well as the bathroom. I have empty dresser drawers, it's just sad.
I spoke to him and I realized how much I missed him. He wants to be friends and I will be friends with him after all he is a good person and we all need good people in our lives. He wants me to be happy..I realized how happy I was with him. Wish I knew where it went wrong.
For now I will just live day by day, maybe write more and clear my thoughts. My best friend turned me onto coloring mandalas which occupies my mind and relaxes me. I doubt I will go back into the dating pool, it's just too much and that wall I wrote about, it's up again and staying up.
I thought things were going well. Monthly date nights, saw one another almost every night when he was not with his kids, we got into a routine, things just fell into place. Holidays rolled around and it was one of the best Christmases in awhile.
I cannot tell you when things went South because I do not know. I do know that I was a bit difficult to love. My guard was up high, a solid wall built up around my heart and feelings because I had been let done time and time again. I had been used and abused in the past. Been through some unthinkable things, I bared my soul to him, he knew it all. But he still chose to love me till one day last week he just didn't anymore. He no longer wanted to date me. I had to break it to my kids. My 7 year old thought it was her fault, I reassured her it was absolutely not her fault and my youngest was sad, they had a good bond. It was not just me he broke up with he also broke up with my kids.
I cannot make any sense of it. I have not gotten any closer. I blame myself, was I that hard to love ? Did I hold back too much ? Were my kids too much ? These are the things that are running through my head.
Packing up his things was one of the hardest things I had to do. My closet looks empty as well as the bathroom. I have empty dresser drawers, it's just sad.
I spoke to him and I realized how much I missed him. He wants to be friends and I will be friends with him after all he is a good person and we all need good people in our lives. He wants me to be happy..I realized how happy I was with him. Wish I knew where it went wrong.
For now I will just live day by day, maybe write more and clear my thoughts. My best friend turned me onto coloring mandalas which occupies my mind and relaxes me. I doubt I will go back into the dating pool, it's just too much and that wall I wrote about, it's up again and staying up.
